All day I just...sat around. Usually it's boring. But today was fun.
...from a certain someone.
I want to go home. When terrible things happen, you just don't want to be alone.
I'm really happy Carolyn was here for this.
Sometimes I am amazed by the fact that people in England and people in the States claim to speak the same language:
Welcome to December.
This year has been…crazy. Where has it gone? It was just July. I’m still adjusting. How can 2007 possibly be ending?
Yes yes, I did one of these last year. But with the lack of posting since my move, I figured there couldn’t be any better way to pick it back up. ( So…here it goes:Collapse )
This'll be my last one for a while guys. I'll try to make it worthwhile.
I'm sitting in my empty house...I'm talking creepy shadows, echoes, and dust empty.
The contents of my "room" are as follows:
-suitcase filled with just enough clothes to get me from one washing machine to the next
-a backpack with books, a random AP mag, a scarf from Carolyn
-cell, ipod, camera, and respective chargers
-a hoodie that strangely reminds me of panda...in a really indirect sort of way
-garbage bag for dirty laundry
that's it...there are blankets sitting outside the door, but because my fan is gone, i can't sleep, so there's no point in them...
I got in a fight with Mom today. I shouldn't have...she's been stressed a lot...but at the same time, it's her fault, so I'm not too worried. We already made up. But I was so depressed this morning....I couldn't cheer myself up at all. And I started crying, so I hid away in my empty room so no one would notice.
Mom walked by, and she tried to be nice, until she found out I was crying about the move.
She told me I was being spoiled and it was hard on everyone else too.
I tried to talk to her reasonably...but somewhere deep down I wanted to be "spoiled" so I sorta snapped back at her.
I dunno...it's fine now I guess.
But yea, I was crying over the move. Not because of my friends (sorry guys) or family...or anything like that.
Because I'm starting over. Again. Because I have no money, no job, no school, no class, no friends, no car, no IDEA of where I'm going to be in a month.
I'm essentially gonna be like this house. Stuck somewhere I could be content...if I didn't stick out so bad. Filled with little things...not much. Filled with echoes of what used to be happy family dinners, friends, graduation parties...after prom parties haha...
God...I'm gonna miss MD a hell of a lot more than I thought.
So here's what I want to make sure you ALL read:
I don't know how good of friends we are...maybe we don't even know each other. But please never ever forget that I'm here for you. I know this next ...month... is gonna be weird. I'm going to try really hard to get to a computer as much as possible, but I can't promise much.
In the next couple months I'm gonna be drastically changed without meaning for it to happen. I'm not looking forward to it, nor am I in anyway planning it...it's just what happens. It's started a little...and I'm sorry for however that may have come across to people.
So who's ready to read what really REALLY made me lose it today?:
Alright...the next time I post...I'll be sitting ...in a room I haven't even seen yet...at a desk that has yet to be bought...in a chair that used to be my mom's.
Who knows...my view could be of...sheep...or a huge city.
I could be sitting in 24/7 sight distance of the most gorgeous landscape ever...or of something that looks like it came from a horror movie.
I could have already made friends with the kids down the street....or I could feel utterly alone.
I might have just gotten home from my first day at my new job...or I could have just sent in my application for a spring semester in an English university.
I might be getting to be good friends with my brother again...or I could be on barely-speaking terms with my parents.
I could still be in the sucky hotel because we haven't found the right house yet...or I could have just finished unpacking and maybe even started to feel that tiny little "I'm at home" glow.
I will most likely be surrounded by pictures of my friends...or at least have my camera out to see them.
Aren't you guys glad you didn't hide ALL the time?
We started the whole packing process yesterday.
My house is empty. Almost...it's amazing. All 3 of my bookshelves are BARE...as are my walls.
Actually, ALL the walls are. All the stuff has been seperated into two groups: shipment or storage. Half of our stuff is going to storage.
When you finally see my house over there, you will all be amazed...a lot of our little knick knacks that we have EVERYWHERE have been put into the storage group.
When we were seperating things I had just ONE rule...every single one of my books is coming. If I had to sit down and pick ones for storage, I would go crazy. And that's probably the most pathetic thing you'll hear all day, but it's true.
It's getting VERY real...it's crazy.
In other news...FOB in 14 days!! OMG!!
Vacation in 5!!
Seeing people as soon as this evening...hopefully. Hahaha.
Carolyn came over last night :D Good stuff, we were totally goofy. Can you say lack of sleep??
I believe I shall go now...that was my quick little blurb for the afternoon...I needed a break from packing, so I figured I'd update you all.
O, and P.S. sneakiness is fun stuff....but it sucks when you realize you will be without a CAR for it...damn.
that I only post when I'm depressed.
But the truth is that more good than bad has been happening. I just don't feel the urge to write when I'm happy. So I feel like I've been telling everyone all these bad things that are happening without much balance.
I met this guy, (which is a girly way to start, but deal with me :D) he's really cool. I met him a while ago, but recently I've been seeing him a lot. (Not like, SEEING him seeing him...just like, hanging out with the same people kind of thing). Last night in a game of truth or dare I got to kiss him. That was...wonderful :)
I got an A in my science class. That's right, Sarah got an A in her SCIENCE class. Pretty fantastic, I know :D
Fall Out Boy concert June 4th. With some AMAZING people.
I've made some truly good friends this semester. Amanda, for example. She's just, awesome. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun.
Friday I leave for Vacation 1. To visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Alabama, and my grandma in Florida. We're going to Disney World too. Andrew left for Texas today to visit Dylan, he's gonna fly to Alabama the night before we get there. A whole week without my brother...I'm gonna miss the smelly giant. A little.
I dunno what else to say. I got to see Erin today. And hopefully I am hanging out with her and Emma (?!??!?! Emma?!?!?!?! We gonna chill before you leave??!?!?!?!?!) sometime this week, which shall be fun. Lots of picture taking shall happen because I need pictures before I leave.
I've been having a lot of good dreams. Dreams about England, about my family, about other people. I've discovered that depending on what I listen to before bed, I can almost guess what my dreams will be like.
Anyway, I love you all!! Here's the happiness!! :)
Call me soon you guys, we need to start the process of summer time hang outs!
Emily was a binge drinker.
She slept around.
Quess out of those 4 things how many Sarah can identify with?
If I turn into her, I will die.
She would faint because she didn't eat enough...sound familiar?
She would drink until she wouldn't remember the night...sound familiar?
She would avoid eating so that she could stay thin...not get thin, just stay thin...sound familiar?
No more drinking. I'm done with it. Wine, maybe. No hard alcohol. Absolutely no beer. Certainly will avoid being drunk ever again, I will ALWAYS stop after one...whatever it is I'm having.
I'm also stopping this starving thing. Six fucking years. I'm sick. Literally. Anorexia or whatever, it's gotta stop.
I will NOT become Emily.
I will NOT be that woman. Ever. I will NEVER leave my child because I want to get FUCKED more often. I will never leave my husband because he is too LOVING. And I certainly will never cheat on anyone. Ever.
I can't believe this is in my genes. All in all, I was fucked from the beginning.
I can only pray every day that I do not become that.
Shit...she started off just like me...or I did like her.
I have to change.